holy week reflections

Jesus was traded for thirty pieces of silver

During those times, Judas might have done a good job defending his conscience, thinking of all the reasons and excuses for that thirty pieces of silver. And soon, he paid the price he never imagined. Everlasting suffering and pain.

It made me think and reflect, how I became, and how I am judas in so many ways -- on different scenarios, different perspectives. I knew in my heart, that I have compromised my believe in some ways or another -- for the mere reasons that this crazy world has defined. I made up excuses to justify the wrongs, made my own versions of the truth, just to go with the rapid flow of life, and not be left behind.

I knew, at some point, I have lost touch. It hurts me to think , and it is so shameful, that I am hurting my God. And during this point, when I know that I was forced to put up a thick armor for survival, I lost the tenderness of my soul. I was swallowed by the pretensions of bravery, that I forgot how Jesus must have loved my fragile heart. I have been praying, but I realized that I never had the chance of listening to what He might have been saying. I was so absorbed thinking of my daily routines for survival, that there were times I almost forgot the wonderful assurance He has given me.

I was too focused on the little things, and I almost forgot that all of these are useless, worthless and nonsense, if my soul thirsts of its food. I was paying so much attention to the details, forgetting that the whole picture matters more.But that's what makes me human.

And for me, the acknowledgment that I am a sinner, makes me strive more for His love and acceptance. I am humbled when I begin to realize Jesus' unfailing love for me. I have been too impatient with so many things, and it is just shameful how little things would make me lose my temper. I could not imagine if God has been impatient with me too.. and I cringe by just the thought of it.

God has been, and will always be good to me. Even if there are countless times of sinning, hurting, failing and not keeping my promises, He has never let me go. He has never kept a record of wrongs, and never did He forget to shower me with peace and love each day. He has given me enough chances to prove my worth, and He never gets tired of waiting. And so I am thinking, with the humblest heart -- how could I even afford to worry? For just a single moment, for just a second? I could imagine Jesus doing His usual sad shrug, looking down at me pitifuly and lovingly, everytime I get absorbed with all the worries. Besides, He has done enough assurance in my life already, so what's more to worry about?As always, Jesus will remain my source of strenght.

And this holy week, I will listen more, worry less, give more and love much